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Leadership Qualifications (Author: Unknown)

NOAH: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts. There must be sin in his life, or no vision! Over committed to animal rights.

ABRAHAM: He folds easily under pressure. He took off for Egypt during hard times. It's reported that he got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie his way out. Some rumors persist concerning something kinky about him and his wife's maid.

MOSES: He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his temper over trivial things. Sounds legalistic, always laying down the law over something. He only had ten suggestions for church growth ...and he said he couldn't change them.

DAVID: He has unacceptable moral character flaws that disqualifies him for TOP leadership. He might have been considered for Minister of Music had he not 'fallen.' He wasn't able to get the backing to build the sanctuary at his last position.

SOLOMON: He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice what he preaches. Excellent fund raiser but known to divert himself with hours pondering cute little sayings. Plans to publish a book of the same.

ELIJAH: He proved to be inconsistent, and is also known to fold under pressure. Very intolerant of other religious views.

HOSEA: His family life is in a shambles. Divorced, and was remarried to a prostitute.

JEREMIAH: He is too emotional. An alarmist. Some say a real 'pain in the neck.' A doomsday kind of guy. Also kind of weepy.

AMOS: Comes from a farming background. Probably better off picking figs.

JOHN: He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a hippie. Would not fit in at a church potluck supper; a loner with odd eating habits. Too confrontational. He insulted a group of prominent citizens calling them "a bunch of snakes."

PETER: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ publicly. With a suspected Pentecostal background, he believes in present day manifestations of the gifts of the Spirit. Could be trouble!

PAUL: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh and is sometimes sarcastic. His appearance is contemptible, and he preaches far too long. He also has a prison record.

TIMOTHY: He has potential, but is much too young for the position. Maybe hard to control because of his devotion to that Paul guy.

JAMES: Not clear on his faith or works doctrine. Better suited for rescue mission work. He was actually rude to one of our most generous board members.

JESUS: Even he tends to offend church members with his preaching, especially well known Bible scholars. He also is too controversial. He offended the search committee with his pointed questions. Hard to pin down on his millennial position.

JUDAS: Now here's a man that seemed to be very practical, co-operative, good with money, cares for the poor, good dresser and convincing during the interview. Well known in the business community and especially accepted among those of other faiths. We all agree that he is just the kind of man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior Pastor.

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