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Computer Illiterate (Author: Unknown)

If you've ever felt computer illiterate and just a little embarrassed
about your technical skills, check out the following, excerpted from the Wall Street Journal:

* Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the Any Key is.

* AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

* Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
with photocopies of the floppies.

* Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

* A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

* A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He
told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face
the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer."

* An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the mouse.

* Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in
and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When
asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What
power switch?"

* Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in
the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...." The user hadn't realized that
"Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

* In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for
installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its
cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the
casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.

* True story from a Novell NetWare Sysop:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I
help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm
sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the
front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit
stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a
promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it
have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't
know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't
stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load
drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

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