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Coffee - you've had too much ... (Author: Unknown)

For the coffee guzzlers in the office...

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You answer the door before people knock.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
Cocaine is a downer.
All your kids are named "Joe."
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of those little plastic stirrers.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You don't tan, you roast.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

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