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Lawyer Humor (Author: Unknown)

Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them.

What do you call 100 lawyers up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

What do you call 100 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.

How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got first pick.

What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in
the road?
Skid marks in front of the dog.

How do you break a lawyer's neck?
Slam the toilet seat on his head.

What's black and brown and looks great on a lawyer?
A Doberman.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
Both have a 1 in 3,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.

What do lawyers and nuclear weapons have in common?
If one side has one, the other side has to have one. Once launched, they
cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw everything up forever.

What word describes a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.

What's the difference between lawyers and accountants?
Accountants know they're boring.

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