Main
Ocelot Stuff
Wolf Stuff
Recipes
Humor
Walkthroughs
About Us
  Log in

Humor Database

Quick links:  # | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z

 

Just for Women (Author: Unknown)

JUST BETWEEN US GIRLS!!


The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. --Helen
Hayes (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray
eyebrows. --Janette Barber

Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, think -
I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
--Jan King

A few weeks after my [breast cancer] surgery, I went out to play catch
with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my
prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him
down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!" --Linda
Ellerbee

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. --Lily Tomlin

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a
woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced
ears. --Geri Jewell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
--Carrie Snow

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your
girlfriends. --Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my
head on the top bunk bed until I faint. --Erma Bombeck

Old age ain't no place for sissies. --Bette Davis

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
--Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant. --Jane Sellman

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
--Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought
half as good. Luckily, this is not hard. --Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body
starts falling apart. --Caryn Leschen

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at
once. --Jennifer Unlimited

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a
horrible warning. --Catherine Aird

Behind every successful woman... is a substantial amount of coffee.
--Stephanie Piro

Behind every successful woman... is a basket of dirty laundry. --Sally
Forth

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. FAT CLOTHES.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered
a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to
impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:

1. OTHER WOMEN!

home | ocelot | wolf | recipes | guitar chords | humor | walkthroughs | about | privacy | contact | Site Map | MetSecTech
772336 hits for this section SingleSignOn Copyright 2004-2009 Kevin and Erin Metcalf. All rights reserved.