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Rules of the Air (Author: Unknown)

This appeared in the June 2000 issue of "Australian Aviation" magazine.
The magazine is for aviators (not passengers) --- whew, talk about being
able to laugh at yourself!!

RULES OF THE AIR

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick
all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than to
be up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep
the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start
sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided
with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great'
landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to
taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle
of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival, and
vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to
five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about
might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. It is also
reported by reliable sources that mountains have been known to hide out
in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the
number of takeoffs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience.
The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of
luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out the window is ground going round and round,
and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger seats,
things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going
hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the
ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
usually comes from bad judgment.

21. Its always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much
as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's
not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are; the altitude above
you, the runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

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