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Letters Sent to Dear Abby: (Author: Unknown)

DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? CURIOUS
(Answer: Either that or thespians)
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DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.. My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that is his hobby.
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....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his!
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....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
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....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with my suspicions he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
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....Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?
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....Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
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....I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
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....My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy!
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....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
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....Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
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My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
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I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting officer.
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.... Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he IS a doctor.
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.... This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said "I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
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DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
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DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend. Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to our final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day. FORTY YEARS HITCHED
DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!
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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
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DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible? KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
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DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
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DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
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DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? TED
DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
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DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. ROSE
DEAR ROSE: So would I.

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