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Life lessons I've learned the hard way

Being a fairly impulsive person, I rack these up on a daily basis. Here's the complete (updated daily, most likely) collection of Ocelot's Great Lessons Learned the Hard Way, or as I like to call it OGLLHW. Gee, sounds like I need to spit that out. Anyway:

  • When a trampoline says Max Weight: 150lbs, don't tempt fate.
  • When diving from Stoneman bridge during a drought, you can't really do 'the flip' that fast.
  • Never 'trust all content from Microsoft.' In fact, never 'trust ANY content from M$.'
  • It is never a good idea to say 'I told you so' to your parents.
  • Just because spaghetti and Maruchan™ soup are both good, combining them will not necessarily result in something good.
  • If your mother's pet bird chews on mouse cables, don't convince her to upgrade to USB.
  • A superman cape does not make you less likely to break your leg when you jump from the roof.
  • Never tease a water moccasin, a bull or an officer of the law.
  • Buying a pre-made extension cord is almost always cheaper than a trip to the emergency room.
  • Never let the toilet seat get loose. Ever.
  • Backups are not optional.
  • Soap in a fountain is funny. Jello mix is not.
  • Do not taunt pigeons around old ladies.
  • The phrase 'heads up' ususally means 'duck.'
  • Objects in mirror ARE closer than they appear.
  • Do not use a cup of white gas to start a campfire.
  • If the stick bends, it will not burn.
  • Cooking: Just because red wine has less ABV than cognac, it doesn't mean you can safely light it with a match.
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