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Wall O' the Weird

Wall 'O the Weird is a collection of bizarre emails I have received in my time as a Tech Support guy in a distance learning department of a fairly large community college. Now I know I have the tendency to rush through words and create typos, so in the interest of fairness you won't find anything here because of a simple typo. Remember, these are students of a "Higher Learning" institution. These are COLLEGE students! Now sit back and enjoy the well speaching within. These aren't doctored in any way - except that I have removed names to keep from being sued. This started out as a project stapled onto my office wall, but I decided to stick it here instead so that my friends from out of state could see it. My prefaces come in italics before, as well as a "wish-response" after. Those of you in Tech Support know what I mean. :)

Table of contents
Date AddedTitle
1/23/2003 error try
1/23/2003 need help
1/23/2003 please to help!
1/23/2003 i need help!
1/23/2003 Re: info. on win.2000 installation.
2/11/2003 Your Power
2/11/2003 username
2/11/2003 homeunix
2/11/2003 tele-web
3/3/2003 Internet Explorer
7/10/2003 About Dropping Classes

error try

I just love these emails that I get that have no prior contact established (or needed evidently!) When reading this one, keep in mind that my job is to trouble-shoot errors with web-based courses. I don't have anything to do with student email accounts.

Subject: error try
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

I got a message that said Outlook doesnt recognize this. I tried to create it under new contact. It wouldnt accept it wierd. I think it was different before, because it didnt give me the option to create a new address contact. Well I just tried to create one but it wont let me. I really like Outlook, but right now I dont! The reply to all seems to work fine, I just dont know how you would log it for my credit unless I cc: myself so all would know.

You're Welcome! _DELETE!_

need help

I also run some listservs that student can send emails to and those emails will go to all the students in the class. This helps students stay in contact with each other - just like they would in on-campus classes. Only students who are in the class can post to the list, and you are required to subscribe to it if you are in the class.

Subject: need help
Every time I send an email to the listserv it comes
back. The email that comes back doesn't say failure
delivery or anything, it just comes back as I had sent
it. Is something wrong? Are my messages being posted?

What part of listserv is confusing?!?

please to help!

Sometimes I get great help requests like this. What do YOU think this guy wants?

Subject: please to help!
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

My Name is xxxxxx.
I am enrolled into xxxxxx.

That's Great! _DELETE_

i need help!

I get a lot of these where a word or two are left out and it makes it rather confusing. This one gives a WHOLE new meaning to "World Wide Web."

Subject: i need help!
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

this is for xxxxxx class with xxxxxx.i'm not sure if i'm still in the
class though because i couldn't get through the internet. thanks, xxxxxx

Those pesky stickey internet gremlins!

Re: info. on win.2000 installation.

Why do I give out my email address?!?

Subject: Re: info. on win.2000 installation.
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

Hello there..

I need some help on how to install windows 2000 on my own pc, can anyone pls. call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx.

Thank you. xxxxxx.

Call Microsoft Technical Support.

Your Power

OK. This one is just plain odd. The off-site location that hosts our online classes had it's primary power source transformer explode. The whole campus lost power. Is that not clearly stated in the email I sent out to everyone (see the > stuff below). Where do these people come from (and more to the point, where do they end up!?!)

Subject: Your Power
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

> To all Distance Learning students enrolled in online courses:
> The offsite location that hosts our online courses had it's primary power
> source transformer explode this morning at 9:00 AM. The campus has been
> evacuated and HazMat is onsite attempting to clean up the debris. Without
> power, the servers that our courses are on cannot function, therefore
> you will not be able to access your online class. We apologize for this
> inconvience and will inform you when the systems are back online.
> Technical Support

Has anyone tried to plug it into a different hole?

Hey! That might work! Let me see... Oh. It didn't. I'll try another hole. No, that didn't work either. Hmm. Do you have any holes you would like to volunteer? :)


In the spirit of "i need help" above...

Subject: username
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

Username for xxxxxx xxxxxx is


Is that so? That answers every question except one. WHY DO I CARE!?!


For those of you who don't know, UNIX is an opperating system, like Windoze or MacOS. Apparently knowing what an opperating system is falls under the category of 'optional reading' in this course...

Subject: homeunix
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

I have been taking the Distance Learning, Intro to UNIX class for the last six weeks. I understand I should be able to access the UNIX from home so I can work on assignments. I'm not sure how to do this. Can I just install it on my computer at home? It runs on windows right?
Thank you,
xxx xxxxxxx

No, sorry. You have to go buy a Mac. :)


Did you ever stop and ask yourself... "Do people think first, or just ask?"

Subject: tele-web
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

I cannot find the term "teleweb defined. Is this streaming video? An online web based course? I do not have a television and I have a no internet connection. I need more info before I register. xxxxxx

The term should be written "tele[vision] & web" rather than the pleonastic "teleweb." (Acctual response.)

Internet Explorer

One more reason not to use Juno...

Subject: Internet Explorer
From: xxxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxxxxx

I have not been able to set Internet Explorer as my default browser. Using Win XP pro IE ver 6 with ISP Juno. Also there is no icon on my desktop for Internet Explorer. My home page defaults to Juno which uses IE. Thank You

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